oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
