I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ok first of all what the fuck
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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