why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
