Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.

(1-859): View more from Kentucky

Thanks for throwing up on me.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same

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(817): View more from Texas

HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.

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(905): View more from Ontario

He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."

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(417): View more from Missouri

In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.

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(970): View more from Colorado

My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.

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(619): View more from California

i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.

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