You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
