This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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