people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
3 2 1 whiskey
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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