so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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