Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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