last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize