I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
