Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
