Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
