Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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