I wish my penis had an off switch
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dignity is for republicans.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize