Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
