Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
