Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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