Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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