I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize