I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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