dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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