you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
