is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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