Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
