The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
