can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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