White coat. Heels.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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