I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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