Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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