every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't put those talents on a resume
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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