I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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