yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
