hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
