this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
