can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
