just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
