I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize