Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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