Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
