The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
