I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
