I got chris browned last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
