I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
