He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize