So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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