The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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