and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
