the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
