he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
