A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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