I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
