That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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