I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My bed smells like the plague
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
