So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
