u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
