why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
