I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Randomize
