$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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