I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ruined the universe
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
