I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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