if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
