There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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