So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
