ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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