She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
