New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
